無(wú)心劍英譯朱自清《匆匆》

無(wú)心劍

匆匆 太匆匆半生已逝去幾多歡喜幾多愁回望，匆匆的旅程只留下一些淺淡的痕跡半生庸常，收獲甚微你說(shuō)，不必遺憾坦然接受命運(yùn)平淡是真 2023年2月5日 匆匆 Gone in a Rush 朱自清 By Zhu Ziqing 燕子去了，有再來(lái)的時(shí)候；楊柳枯了，有再青的時(shí)候；桃花謝了，有再開(kāi)的時(shí)候。但是，聰明的，你告訴我，我們的日子為什么一去不復(fù)返呢？——是有人偷了他們罷：那是誰(shuí)？又藏在何處呢？是他們自己逃走了罷：現(xiàn)在又到了哪里呢？ Swallows will return even they have gone; willow trees will regreen even they have withered; peach flowers will rebloom even they have faded. But, you the wise, tell me, why would our days be gone without return? If someone has stolen them, who and where is he then? Or if they have fled themselves, where are they now? 我不知道他們給了我多少日子；但我的手確乎是漸漸空虛了。在默默里算著，八千多日子已經(jīng)從我手中溜去；像針尖上一滴水滴在大海里，我的日子滴在時(shí)間的流里，沒(méi)有聲音，也沒(méi)有影子。我不禁頭涔涔而淚潸潸了。 I don't know how many days were given to me, but I do feel they slip away from my hands. Counted in silence, over eight thousand days have gone through my fingers. Just as a waterdrop drips from a needle tip into the sea, my days drip into the stream of time without any sound or trace. O, sweat floods my head and tears drown my face! 去的盡管去了，來(lái)的盡管來(lái)著；去來(lái)的中間，又怎樣地匆匆呢？早上我起來(lái)的時(shí)候，小屋里射進(jìn)兩三方斜斜的太陽(yáng)。太陽(yáng)他有腳啊，輕輕悄悄地挪移了；我也茫茫然跟著旋轉(zhuǎn)。于是——洗手的時(shí)候，日子從水盆里過(guò)去；吃飯的時(shí)候，日子從飯碗里過(guò)去；默默時(shí)，便從凝然的雙眼前過(guò)去。我覺(jué)察他去的匆匆了，伸出手遮挽時(shí)，他又從遮挽著的手邊過(guò)去，天黑時(shí)，我躺在床上，他便伶伶俐俐地從我身上跨過(guò)，從我腳邊飛去了。等我睜開(kāi)眼和太陽(yáng)再見(jiàn)，這算又溜走了一日。我掩著面嘆息。但是新來(lái)的日子的影兒又開(kāi)始在嘆息里閃過(guò)了。 The past has gone and the future still comes, yet in between, it is such a rush! When I get up in the morning, my small room is greeted by two or three patches of slanting sunshine. The sun silently moves on its own feet, while I follow it without awareness. So, when I wash my hands, my days pass my washbasin; when I have my meal, they pass my ricebowl; when I meditate, they pass my gazing eyes. When I realize they go in such a hurry, I stretch out my hands to hold them back, but they also pass my hands; when I lie in bed at night, they quickly stride over my body and flit past my feet; when I open my eyes to meet the sun again, one more day is gone. I bury my face in my hands and sigh, but a new day again begins to flash away in my sigh. 在逃去如飛的日子里，在千門萬(wàn)戶的世界里的我能做些什么呢？只有徘徊罷了，只有匆匆罷了；在八千多日的匆匆里，除徘徊外，又剩些什么呢？過(guò)去的日子如輕煙，被微風(fēng)吹散了，如薄霧，被初陽(yáng)蒸融了；我留著些什么痕跡呢？我何曾留著像游絲樣的痕跡呢？我赤裸裸來(lái)到這世界，轉(zhuǎn)眼間也將赤裸裸的回去罷？但不能平的，為什么偏要白白走這一遭?。?lt;/span> What can I do in this crowded world during my days fleeing like an arrow? O nothing but wander! O nothing but rush! In the rush of my past eight thousand days, what remains besides my wandering? The past days are like a light smoke, blown away by breeze, and like a thin mist, melted by the morning sun. What trace have I left on this world? Alas, even a gossamer trace I have not left! I came to this world stark-nakedly, and instantly I will leave this world in the same way! But how can I not complain of going through this life all in vain? 你聰明的，告訴我，我們的日子為什么一去不復(fù)返呢？ You the wise, tell me, why would our days be gone without return? 鐵冰：喜見(jiàn)《匆匆》更佳譯文 【前些天點(diǎn)評(píng)了《匆匆》的幾家譯文，今天讀到無(wú)心劍兄的新譯（簡(jiǎn)稱“華譯”），覺(jué)得比我的譯文更勝幾分。該譯本勝在完全擺脫了原文字面的束縛，不拘泥于一字一詞的得失，一心譯意，令譯文如行云流水，曉暢至極。其行文用語(yǔ)，現(xiàn)代氣息撲面而來(lái)，在生活節(jié)奏極快的21世紀(jì)，更能給人“匆匆”的感覺(jué)。相比之下，鐵譯受前人譯文影響過(guò)深，含有過(guò)多（盡管比前人譯本少）損害了流暢性的表達(dá)，顯得失色不少。然而，事物總是一分為二的，流暢是華譯的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，也是其缺點(diǎn)，這表現(xiàn)在原文中一些有特色的修辭和口吻在譯文中消失了。今將《匆匆》原文及鐵譯、華譯列出，以示比較，并對(duì)后者作簡(jiǎn)要點(diǎn)評(píng)?！?lt;/span> ——匆匆/朱自清 燕子去了，有再來(lái)的時(shí)候；楊柳枯了，有再青的時(shí)候；桃花謝了，有再開(kāi)的時(shí)候。但是，聰明的，你告訴我，我們的日子為什么一去不復(fù)返呢？——是有人偷了他們罷：那是誰(shuí)？又藏在何處呢？是他們自己逃走了罷：現(xiàn)在又到了哪里呢？ - 鐵譯： Rush in Hush When swallows have gone, there's still a time to return; when willow trees have become withered, there's still a time to regreen; when peach blossoms have faded, there's still a time to rebloom. But, you the wise, tell me, why would our days be gone yet never come back? If they have been stolen by someone, who should it be and where could he hide them? Or if they just have fled by themselves, then where should they be now? 華譯： Gone in a Rush Swallows will return even they have gone; willow trees will regreen even they have withered; peach flowers will rebloom even they have faded. But, you the wise, tell me, why would our days be gone without return? If someone has stolen them, who and where is he then? Or if they have fled themselves, where are they now? 【開(kāi)篇3個(gè)分句華譯改得極妙，每分句以even來(lái)連接，不失婉轉(zhuǎn)；華譯對(duì)原文“有……的時(shí)候”視而不見(jiàn)，直接將本意“它們將會(huì)再來(lái)”譯出，簡(jiǎn)潔漂亮。鐵譯中的have become withered、by themselves、where should they be now等語(yǔ)受前人譯文影響，顯得文縐縐，華譯簡(jiǎn)化為have withered、themselves、where are they now，清新自然，富于現(xiàn)代氣息，更具可讀性?！耙蝗ゲ环怠钡娜A譯be gone without return更比鐵譯be gone yet never come back簡(jiǎn)潔有力。值得一提的是，“那是誰(shuí)？又藏在何處呢？”一句，前人及鐵冰譯文的理解為“那是誰(shuí)，他把偷來(lái)的日子藏在何處？”而華譯理解為“那是誰(shuí)，他（藏）在何處？”似乎更恰當(dāng)?！?lt;/span> 我不知道他們給了我多少日子；但我的手確乎是漸漸空虛了。在默默里算著，八千多日子已經(jīng)從我手中溜去；像針尖上一滴水滴在大海里，我的日子滴在時(shí)間的流里，沒(méi)有聲音，也沒(méi)有影子。我不禁頭涔涔而淚潸潸了。 鐵譯：I do not know how many days my life was granted. However, I do feel in my hands they are running out. I count in my heart, and find that more than eight thousand days and nights have slipped away though my fingers. Just like a water drop that drips from a needle tip and vanishes into the vast ocean, my days have been dripping into the stream of time, even without a sound or a trace. Once I think of that, I can't help having my forehead flooded in sweats and face drowned in tears. 華譯：I don't know how many days were given to me, but I do feel they slip away from my hands. Counted in silence, over eight thousand days have gone through my fingers. Just as a waterdrop drips from a needle tip into the sea, my days drip into the stream of time without any sound or trace. O, sweat floods my head and tears drown my face! 【首句開(kāi)頭的華譯I don't know口語(yǔ)化，比文氣的鐵譯（受朱純深譯文影響）好，但后半句譯文I do feel they slip away缺乏“漸漸流失”之感，不佳；第2句Counted...days have gone...的語(yǔ)感較差，該句回譯為中文就是“被默默計(jì)算的八千多個(gè)日子從我的指縫間去了”，這與原文意思不符。末句用非人稱主語(yǔ)句，很有英文味?！?lt;/span> 去的盡管去了，來(lái)的盡管來(lái)著；去來(lái)的中間，又怎樣地匆匆呢？早上我起來(lái)的時(shí)候，小屋里射進(jìn)兩三方斜斜的太陽(yáng)。太陽(yáng)他有腳啊，輕輕悄悄地挪移了；我也茫茫然跟著旋轉(zhuǎn)。于是——洗手的時(shí)候，日子從水盆里過(guò)去；吃飯的時(shí)候，日子從飯碗里過(guò)去；默默時(shí)，便從凝然的雙眼前過(guò)去。我覺(jué)察他去的匆匆了，伸出手遮挽時(shí)，他又從遮挽著的手邊過(guò)去，天黑時(shí)，我躺在床上，他便伶伶俐俐地從我身上跨過(guò)，從我腳邊飛去了。等我睜開(kāi)眼和太陽(yáng)再見(jiàn)，這算又溜走了一日。我掩著面嘆息。但是新來(lái)的日子的影兒又開(kāi)始在嘆息里閃過(guò)了。 鐵譯：Those gone do have gone, and those to come are simply coming; yet in between, how hasty does the rush like? When I get up at dawn I can see two or three patches of light are slantingly cast in my small room by the sun. But he silently and stealthily moves away on his own feet, making me follow up absently. So, when I wash my hands, my days pass by beside the sink; when I have my meal, they pass away between dishes; when I am drowned in contemplation, they pass on before my gazing eyes. When I notice they are going so hurriedly, I reach out my hands and try to hold them back, only to see them glide away beyond my holding hands; when I lie in bed at night, they nimbly stride over my body and flit past my feet; when I open my eyes and meet the sun again, one more day is gone. I can't but sigh with my face buried in hands, but the new day has begun to flash away in my sighs. - 華譯：The past has gone and the future still comes①, yet in between, it is such a rush!② When I get up at dawn③, my small room is greeted by two or three patches of slanting sunshine. The sun silently moves on its own feet, while I follow it without awareness. So, when I wash my hands, my days pass my washbasin; when I have my meal, they pass my ricebowl; when I meditate, they pass my gazing eyes;④ when I realize they go in such a hurry, I stretch out my hands to hold them back, but they also pass my hands; when I lie in bed at night, they quickly stride over my body and flit past my feet; when I open my eyes to meet the sun again, one more day is gone. I bury my face in my hands and sigh, but a new day again begins to flash away in my sigh⑤. 【①簡(jiǎn)煉、曉暢，但原文的辭格未能存留。②此處譯為感嘆句，更加有力，且沒(méi)有張培基譯文的生硬。③此處與鐵譯同誤：at dawn是天剛亮的時(shí)候，還不可能有“兩三方斜斜的太陽(yáng)”射進(jìn)屋里。④非常簡(jiǎn)煉，但此處宜以句號(hào)結(jié)束。⑤優(yōu)點(diǎn)與④同，末句用一般現(xiàn)在時(shí)比鐵譯的現(xiàn)在完成時(shí)語(yǔ)感更準(zhǔn)確。】 在逃去如飛的日子里，在千門萬(wàn)戶的世界里的我能做些什么呢？只有徘徊罷了，只有匆匆罷了；在八千多日的匆匆里，除徘徊外，又剩些什么呢？過(guò)去的日子如輕煙，被微風(fēng)吹散了，如薄霧，被初陽(yáng)蒸融了；我留著些什么痕跡呢？我何曾留著像游絲樣的痕跡呢？我赤裸裸來(lái)到這世界，轉(zhuǎn)眼間也將赤裸裸的回去罷？但不能平的，為什么偏要白白走這一遭啊？ - 你聰明的，告訴我，我們的日子為什么一去不復(fù)返呢？ - 鐵譯：What can I do in this bustling world, with my days fleeting as fleeing? Oh nothing but wander, only wander in haste! What have I done in my eight-thousand-day rush, except wandering? The past days, like light smokes, have been blown away by gentle breeze; and like thin mists, have been melted by the rising sun. Oh what have I left behind, have I ever left behind even a mark as tiny as gossamer, other than nothing?- -Shall I, who stark-nakedly came to this world, leave with the same nakedness in a blink? If so, how can I not regret, for going though my life all in vain? You the wise, tell me, why should our days be gone yet never come back? 華譯： What can I do in this crowded world during my days fleeing like an arrow①? O nothing but wander! O nothing but rush!② In the rush of my past eight thousand days, what remains besides my wandering③? The past days look like a light smoke, blown away by breeze; and look like a thin mist, melted by the morning sun④. What trace have I left on this world? Alas, even a gossamer trace I have not left!⑤ I came to this world stark-nakedly, and instantly I will leave this world in the same way!⑥ But how can I not complain to go⑦ through this life all in vain?You the wise, tell me, why would our days be gone without return? 【①句式很好，勝過(guò)鐵譯及前人譯文，但句末“像箭一般逃跑”不是地道的英文表達(dá)，因?yàn)榧恰帮w射”的，不是“飛逃”的。②這兩句是保留了原文形美的佳譯，但感嘆過(guò)度，第一個(gè)感嘆號(hào)應(yīng)改為逗號(hào)為宜。③佳譯！remains一詞猶妙?、躭ook like（看起來(lái)像）形容days似不妥，應(yīng)為were like。⑤、⑥過(guò)多感嘆，有失婉轉(zhuǎn)。⑦此處用不定式，句意、語(yǔ)感均不佳?！?

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無(wú)心劍英譯朱自清《匆匆》

無(wú)心劍